I have spent a significant portion of my life engaging in parasocial relationships. When I was a young person in the 90s, I used to use programs to create fan art of my favorite bands like Dashboard Confessional, Something Corporate, and Blink-182. Over the years, my connection to these artists has grown so strong that I refer to them by their first names when talking to my friends and family. I even go as far as passionately defending them on internet forums. Thanks to platforms like TikTok and Instagram, I now have access to intimate details about their lives, such as the appearance of their kitchens, the names of their pets, and the contents of their morning smoothies. With all this information, it’s no surprise that I feel like I truly know them.
Some might label me as unhinged or suggest that I find a better hobby, but research and experts say that parasocial relationships are not as toxic as they are often portrayed. In fact, decades of research indicate that they can be beneficial for both the individuals who engage in them and the celebrities on the receiving end. Lynn Zubernis, a clinical psychologist and avid fan of the TV show Supernatural, explains that her passion for the show led her to study fandom. She believes that parasocial relationships can be a wonderful and positive experience.
Believe it or not, there’s a good chance that you have had a parasocial experience as well. For instance, have you ever yelled at a football player on your TV screen even though you knew they couldn’t hear you? That’s an example of a parasocial interaction which can eventually develop into a parasocial relationship. These relationships are defined as one-sided social and emotional connections formed with fictional characters or celebrities. It is estimated that 51% of Americans have experienced this type of relationship, although only 16% are willing to admit it.
Research suggests that parasocial relationships can actually help adolescents develop their identity and autonomy. By imagining connections and attributing emotions to people who are physically distant, individuals have a “safe forum” to experiment with different personalities and ways of being. This allows them to explore various aspects of themselves. Additionally, studies have found that parasocial relationships can boost confidence and bring individuals closer to their ideal self, especially for those with low self-esteem. It’s common for individuals with avoidant attachment styles, who generally shy away from closeness, to become attached to TV characters with desirable attributes that they strive to emulate. This can serve as an effective coping mechanism and source of inspiration throughout a person’s life.
Feeling attached to a celebrity or fictional character can also provide a sense of comfort, acting as a secure base or safe haven. This can be particularly helpful in times of difficulty. Zubernis shares the story of a suicidal woman who attended a Supernatural fan convention. One of the stars of the show sensed that she was struggling and made her promise to stay alive and attend the next convention. A decade later, she is doing well, and Zubernis credits her parasocial relationship with the show for helping her persevere.
Parasocial relationships not only expand social networks but also provide a sense of companionship. This was especially evident during the COVID-19 pandemic when people were isolated and unable to spend time with loved ones. Many individuals turned to online communities, including fandoms, to find connection and belongingness. These bonds can lead to fulfilling online and in-person relationships with like-minded fans. Contrary to popular belief, being a fan is not a solitary activity; it revolves around building relationships.
These connections often outlast the initial fascination with a particular celebrity. Professor Gayle Stever has been studying fandoms and parasocial relationships for years, and her research has shown the positive impact they can have. She shares stories of individuals who have lost significant others through death or divorce and then decided to invest in a parasocial relationship as a way to avoid the pain of real-world relationships. For example, one woman chose to cultivate a parasocial relationship after realizing that her failed relationships were harming her children. These relationships provided an outlet for her feelings and helped her cope with her circumstances. Another woman, who had recently lost her husband to cancer, discovered a newfound romantic interest in musician Josh Groban, even though she knew they would never be together. This experience allowed her to believe in her capacity to have romantic feelings again.
Stever asserts that the impact of parasocial relationships is generally positive. There is a tendency for people to judge the behavior of others, particularly when it comes to fandom. However, there is no need to criticize someone’s fandom. Rather, we should consider the benefits and emotional support that these relationships provide.
As for my own experiences with parasocial relationships, I have developed a deep connection to the musician Andrew McMahon. I have attended over 100 of his shows, watched his documentary, read his memoir, and actively participate in fan communities across various social media platforms. Wearing a T-shirt declaring “Andrew McMahon is a friend of mine” feels genuine and real to me. When I recently asked McMahon about his perspective on these relationships, he expressed gratitude for the shared experience between him and his fans. He appreciates the vulnerability and openness that his fans display, which is reflected in his own music. When he performs on stage, he wants to create a sense of connection and truly see his fans while they see him. His interactions with fans serve as a way to gauge their enjoyment and determine if there are any areas for improvement.
The fan-artist relationship is strengthened by moments of vulnerability and mutual understanding, such as when McMahon was diagnosed with leukemia. He was overwhelmed by the support and love he received from fans during that difficult time. To him, it was like being willed back to life by those who cared. Over the course of his career, he has recognized familiar faces in the crowd at his shows and during meet-and-greets. Having been on the other side as a fan meeting his own idols, like Billy Joel, McMahon understands the impact he can have on his fans. He strives to create positive experiences for those who have been on this journey with him for years. These relationships have evolved into genuine friendships that involve normal conversations and interactions.
In conclusion, parasocial relationships have received a bad rap, but research indicates that they can be beneficial and fulfilling for both individuals and celebrities. These connections allow individuals to explore aspects of their identity, boost confidence, and provide comfort through difficult times. Parasocial relationships expand social networks, offer a sense of companionship, and promote a sense of belongingness. They can also act as a source of inspiration and coping mechanism. Instead of judging others’ fandoms, we should recognize the emotional support and positive impact these relationships can have. As someone who has experienced the joys of a parasocial relationship, I can confidently say that they are not only valid but also enriching.
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Rohit Malhotra is a medical expert and health journalist who offers evidence-based advice on fitness, nutrition, and mental well-being. His articles aim to help readers lead healthier lives.
